How alphabet dating is reviving relationships bogged down in constant Netflix and Chilling

For long-term couples date nights are often a rare and sporadic occasion but thanks to Alphabet Dating the emphasis on off-kilter courting is back.

While reaching that point in your relationship where you don’t have to worry about lounging in your PJs all day or covering up a monstrous spot is no doubt special, the idea of going that extra mile can get lost.

That’s where Alphabet Dating comes in.

The concept, which has seen a spike in Google searches over the last week, is simple: You and your other half take it in turns to plan regular dates taking inspiration from the alphabet to plan you activity.

If you want to make it extra fun, try keeping the idea a secret from each other.

Keen to give it a go? Whether you’re looking to do it on a budget or go all out, here’s our guide to the dates that might just getyou out of that relationship rut:

A: Step back in time and visit your local arcade or book into an airbnb, home or away.

B: Organise a trip on a boat or head out for a boozy bar crawl.

C: Go camping for the weekend or do a bit of smooching in the back row of the cinema.

D: Dinner’s too easy so why not make it a double date instead or if you’re feeling flush plan a trip to Disneyland.

E: Go exploring and head out for a walk together or eat out at your favourite restaurant.

F: If your love is into football then take them to a match or stay indoors and build a fort.

G: Feeling sporty? Why not go for a spot of golf or really get your hearts racing by going go-karting.

H: Drink your way through happy hour or crack out the mountain boots for a spot of hiking.

I: Visit your local ice skating rink or use it as a good excuse to eat some ice cream.

J: Indulge with a night in the jacuzzi or visit a jazz club.

K: Serenade your love at karaoke or spend the day in the park flying kites.

L: Running out of ideas? Lunch is an easy option but why not take up something new, French lessons perhaps?

M: Get your friends round for a game of Monopoly or take a cultural day out at a museum.

N: Head out for a night on the town or if that’s not your thing, take a trip to a local nature reserve.

O: Get fancy with a visit to the opera or spend the day by the ocean.

P: A pub lunch is the perfect Sunday date or you could take a picnic to the park.

Q: Try heading to a quiz night or if you’re a foodie make some quesadillas.

R: Are you both shopaholics? A little bit of retail therapy could do the trick. If not, venture out and take a road trip.

S: Take a dip and go swimming together or spend the night stargazing.

T: Embrace your inner child at a theme park or if it’s culture you’re after head to the theatre.

U: In need of a holiday? Why not plan a UK getaway. Alternatively, challenge each other by trying some unusual foods.

V: Get freaky and watch some vampire movies or volunteer together at a local charity.

W: Celebrate with a spot of wine tasting or for the more adventurous go wall climbing.

X: Get up to something X-rated or have a lazy day playing the Xbox.

Y: Tune in to each other at a yoga class or say yes to something you usually wouldn’t.

Z: Finish of your alphabet dating experiment with a trip to the zoo or cosy up together and catch some well-deserved Zzzs.

Just my type: how fashion became all about the font

Whatever insiders are allowed to geek out about at any given moment tells you a lot about where fashion is at. Five years ago, when minimalism ruled, it was highly prized to have a shepherd’s knowledge on the finer points of cashmere and wool – distinguishing your Hircus goats from your Andean vicuñas, for example. These days, in the world of slogan T-shirts and social-media-friendly statement dressing, it’s all about the font. Knowing your Helvetica from your Arial isn’t restricted to those familiar with InDesign: it’s now the kind of thing that gets you a seat at the top table of the Met Ball.

As with any obsession that encourages rummaging into minutiae, fashion’s current font preoccupation has schisms probably being debated heatedly on page 23 of a thread on The Fashion Spot. Broadly speaking, to put it in font language, it’s all about serif and sans-serif. For everyone else, it’s the fonts with the curly edges on the ends of letters vs the ones without.

On one side, we have the anti-serif original streetwear purists – with Supreme as the shining example, using what looks like the clean, precise Futura Bold Italic originally inspired by artist Barbara Kruger, and recently immortalised in a brick. Other brands including House of Holland (Franklin Gothic Extra Condensed, apparently) and Moschino (Bebas Neue?) sit alongside them, along with countless slogan T-shirts proclaiming profundities like #thinkmoredoless on the high street.

Vetements produced the DHL T-shirt that caused the internet to erupt earlier this year. With its clean and punchy font (similar to Gran Turismo Italic), it’s more in line with the Supreme gang, but the brand actually typically represents the other font team in fashion right now: blackletter – the gothic font originally used for German script – is back. Hoodies, with purple blackletter slogans and pentagrams are now highly prized beyond their familiar territory of London’s Camden market.

Blackletter has now made its way to pop merch, Kanye West’s Life of Pablo and Justin Bieber’s Purpose included. The result? Dropping a reference to it around any fashion-inclined dinner table will gain extra points rather than a change of subject. Anything heavy metal-influenced – the flaming letters of the Thrasher logo, the diagonally inclined Iron Maiden font (actually called that, apparently), both favourites on the front row – can also be filed here.

Perhaps these OTT, can’t-miss-them fonts moving to the foreground of fashion is down to the fact we now have so much screen time. Arial (Google), Helvetica Neue (Twitter) and either Helvetica or Arial (Facebook) have become the digital default via their use in logos, as familiar as the marimba ringtone for your iPhone or that greige backdrop to your Whatsapp messages. Anything different – including this, Guardian Egyptian – has a bang of impact. Blackletter has drama, it’s a bit fussy, something that contrasts nicely with the square simplicity of streetwear shapes. Or, maybe, it’s just a welcome relief from that most maligned font, Comic Sans.

When Is The Right Time For A Widower’s Libido To Wake Up

Karen’s unexpected and unwelcome kiss on the beach was no love bite, yet her lips left a mark as deep as if she’d been written into my sad story by Bram Stoker. Fittingly, his inspiration for Dracula came only a few miles up the coast while he was visiting Whitby. Karen’s sincere seaside snog was too soon after Helen’s death by any judgment. She was upset, “Sorry, but it seemed the perfect moment.”

I assured her that she’d done nothing wrong in assuming I was single through divorce not death – people do.

Afterwards, we’d chatted until 2am, animated like survivors of an unexpected crisis. It was innocent, with much laughing, many nightcaps, no kissing.

Karen confessed that for the first time since her divorce, she’d thought of taking a bed (not beach!) buddy. She was “out of practice and clumsy” but had gone for it because it felt like time out and she liked me.

I saw that my rejection of her puckered-up pass was so unconsidered it was nothing to do with my recent bereavement and everything to do with more than 20 years of fidelity. I’d acted as a married man.

Yet I’m no longer married. So when the shock subsided, I sat opposite Karen thinking how fantastic it would be to share a bed with this kind, sexy woman. I’d escape the widower script, maybe for one night only, hidden away from the rest of my life with its bedtime loneliness and never-ending bleeding logistics. These thoughts were academic as when Karen discovered I was a recent widower, her gaze became concerned, not carnal. Has a bloke ever plunged into the friend zone faster, I wonder?

But how soon is it “normal” for a bereaved person’s libido to wake up? Bluntly, how is it possible that a few months after his beloved wife’s death a husband would have no guilt about wanting to shag someone?

I don’t know a widower or widow to compare timelines with and premature fornication is not the sort of topic you can dance into easily, even online.

Bereaved sexual re-awakening seems almost taboo, with at least one brilliant exception. A supportive colleague passed me Lucie Brownlee’s Life After You, “Not because it’s about bereavement. I thought how many touch points you have with her – the north-east, Yorkshire and a frank view of the world,” she’d lied. Her intention was clear; she hoped Brownlee’s experience would teach me something.

I recommend this raw and brilliantly uninhibited story, including how she took comfort in a fuck-buddy friendship with her plumber. That the reader ends up liking her more for it is a tonic to my spinning head. I’m guessing that as friends and family haven’t disowned Brownlee, there’s hope for me. Critically, her Carry On Plumber dalliance took place in the first year after her husband’s death.

I worry, though, that while I’m technically single, to many of the people in my life and Millie’s and Matt’s lives, I’m still married to Helen. So I’ll tread carefully for their sakes. For my own, I find my lack of guilt at what Karen and I could have got up to upsetting and surprising, but not inexplicable.

I loved Helen so much and would gladly have swapped places with her. There were no issues or unfinished business between us and while I scream out for more years together, we had something so special in the best of times and an even more profound love in cancer’s worst of them.

This helped me to embrace what may be the hardest lesson in bereavement – that you cannot love someone who is gone exactly as you did when they were alive. The contrast between the two states is too stark. I’ve understood this crappy truth quicker then many, perhaps primed by my dad’s death when I was four. So, no sex but also no guilt that there might have been … or could be soon. Bravado, perhaps, but I’m made bold and more open by Brownlee’s honesty about her libido. You take help where you can through the layered complexities of this bastard bereavement.

A relationship expert reveals 4 signs that you're a perfect match

You can spot them easily in the movies — the couple that's so clearly meant for each other. But in real life, it can be harder to detect a perfect match.

That's especially true when that “match” involves ourselves. Sometimes we're so wrapped up in our relationships that we don't even ask ourselves if we're actually a good fit.

Relationship expert Talia Goldstein, CEO of white glove matchmaking service Three Day Rule, told INSIDER that there are four major signs that a couple is a good match.

If a relationship demonstrates each of these attributes, Goldstein explained, that's how you know it's built to last.

1. You travel the same way.

One of the easiest ways to tell if you're a good match with your partner is to plan a trip together.

“A good match is people who are willing and wanting to travel the same way,” Goldstein said.

If one of you wants to hop in a RV and road trip to Mexico, while the other wants to fly first class and stay at a give star resort, that’s a sign that you aren’t a good fit.

“It’s indicative of your lifestyle,” Goldstein said. “It could lead to problems down the road.”

For example, these lifestyle difference could come into play when it’s time to buy a house or pick an education path for your children, the expert explained.

“If you have a really narrow mind about the way that you travel, you probably have that same mindset in other aspects of your life,” she added.

2. You have common interests that you love doing together.

It may seem intuitive, but a great way to tell if you are a good match with a person is to determine whether you have common interests.

That doesn't mean that you just like the same sort of art or listen to the same sort of music. Instead, good matches not only enjoy similar things — they like doing those things together.

“There should be at least two or three things you really like to do together,” Goldstein said. “It should be about spending time together.”

And so, if you’re a couple who, for instance, enjoys going on long walks together, playing board games together or watching the same sport games together, you’re likely a good match.

3. Your relationship has the right balance.

Most of the successful pairings Goldstein has witnessed involves people that strike a perfect balance, where one of them is “the star” while the other is more of “the rock.”

“I found that the majority of my success stories fall into those categories, where sometimes one of them is outgoing and the life of the party, where the other is more stable and supportive,” Goldstein said.

People with different energies tend to compliment each other, whereas those who are both super outgoing or both extremely introverted don’t always go the distance.

“If you have the yin and the yang, they balance each other out,” the expert explained. “I’ve found that balance works really well in a relationship.”

4. You're with someone who makes you feel good about yourself.

It seems like common sense — you should be with someone who makes you feel like you're at your best. But of course, a lot of people end up in relationships where they don't really feel like themselves.

"Relationships where you truly feel like you’re the best version of yourself — that’s the best way to see if you’re a good match,” Goldstein said.

Being in a relationship where you feel like yourself means that you don't have to stretch to come up with topics to talk about.

It's also when you feel at home with their group of friends, or feel comfortable lounging around in your pajamas with the other person.

The childcare question: Picking the kind that best suits your family’s needs

And of course, like most parenting questions, there's no single correct answer. What's right for the city-dwelling one-child couple may be very different to what works for a family of four living in the countryside. So I asked five mothers to talk to me about their childcare solutions - why they chose them, what the benefits are, and if there are any pitfalls to consider.

Crèche

Around 20pc of Irish families choose crèche, including Rebekah, a Dublin mother of two, who wanted childcare that's always available. "A crèche is never 'sick' or on holidays," she explains.

She picked her particular crèche because of its location and its size. "It's small and that was important to me," says Rebekah. "Other children seemed very happy when we visited and we were able to call in unannounced. There are good opening hours so we could drop Charlie in on the way to work and collect him on the way home."

And are there any downsides to consider? "Cost!" says Rebekah. "Crèche is really expensive. Also your child will pick up every bug going. But I feel this is due to happen at some stage, so you might as well get it out of the way now."

If reliability and social interaction are priorities, as well as home-cooked meals provided on site, crèche could be your best bet.

Childminder

A childminder is someone who looks after your child in their home, not yours. Mother-of-one Ciara went for this option when she recently returned to work.

"Ratio of care was one factor," says Ciara about her decision. "We wanted Kate to be around other children - but not too many."

Consistency of care mattered too. "We were looking for a home away from home. We liked the idea that one person would be looking after Kate, and that she would get to know her likes or dislikes," says Ciara. "The fact that the childminder could work around Kate's routine was very comforting. We didn't want her to have to slot into a routine prescribed for her."

According to Ciara, the biggest challenge with using a childminder is finding the right one. "Referrals from friends or family would be the preference, but in our case no one was able to recommend someone to us. I sourced lists of local childminders online but I found that most of them were unavailable. There is certainly a lack of availability of experienced, qualified childminders."

When meeting a prospective childminder, Ciara advises asking if she is FETAC Level 5 qualified, Garda vetted, trained in first aid, and registered with Childminding Ireland.

Nanny

Although also commonly referred to as a childminder, the person who minds your child in your home is officially a nanny. It can be costly, but it has huge advantages, as Dublin mum-of-two Johanna discovered.

"We initially started our son in crèche," says Johanna, "But very soon after, he got sick, and for the next few weeks he was out of crèche more than he was in. We decided to pull him out and to get a childminder."

As well as one-to-one attention for her children, and no drop-offs or pick-ups before and after work, Johanna finds that there's a huge level of trust in place. "You know that your children are 100pc safe and well in their own home, in the care of someone who loves them nearly as much as you do."

It's an expensive option though, as Johanna explains. "Your childminder is your employee and is entitled to all the benefits that any worker is entitled to, like 20 days annual leave a year. PAYE, PRSI, and USC need to be accounted for, and as an employer you also pay employer's PRSI on top of the annual salary."

But from Johanna's perspective, it's worth it, as her two boys have their nanny's full attention, and she has peace of mind.

Au Pair

The primary consideration when hiring an au pair is that she lives in your house, and is available for a set number of hours only. But it's a very inexpensive option, and works well for families outside urban areas. Keara, a mum of two from Wicklow, has had very good experiences with au pairs.

"Crèche was not an option as there are none around us," she says. "We decided to try an au pair based on the fact that it's not expensive. The person is living with you, so there's no drop off in the morning - no panic getting out the door with a sleepy child."

Having someone live in your house isn't for everyone. "You need to be open to accepting someone into your home; they are not an employee who should stay out of your way," says Keara. "They need to be incorporated into the family. If you are a private person or very particular about your house, then I would think it's probably not a good idea - you need to be able to relax."

Extended family

The most common childcare providers in Ireland today are extended family, primarily grandparents. For children, being cared for by family is a wonderful experience, but this only works well if grandparents are willing and physically able.

Laura, a Dublin mum of three, says she's very lucky that her mother-in-law has always been part of her childcare arrangements.

"It is a great option, but only if the grandparents want to do it and it's not purely for financial reasons. We were very fortunate in that my mother-in-law wanted to have some role in the childcare. I think the children find comfort in having a family member around but I'm very aware that not everyone has this option."

As with all arrangements, there are some pitfalls. "Grandparents have lives to lead and it's a big commitment to take on childcare, so don't be offended if they decline," warns Laura. "Although they all love their grandchildren, it may be a different story when they've had them for eight to 10 hours a day. The other issue is availability. Given it's usually voluntary, there's a chance that they'll want more time off than a paid childminder, so you might find yourself looking for cover on those days."

And you may have to bite your tongue on minor child-rearing practices, says Laura. "They are doing you a favour, so it's hard to dictate how they do things."

Finally, remember that situations change - while crèche may be great when you have one child, it can become prohibitively expensive if you have three. Likewise, a nanny might be too costly with a first child, but could make perfect sense with a bigger family. Starting school adds complications and often necessitates reassessing childcare. And many parents use a mix of different options throughout the childcare years.

While there's no one perfect solution, and the cost is a challenge for most; once you do your research, there's certainly a good option out there for every family.

Bondings: We love our super life

"We were in a yoga teacher-training class. I was doing the downward-facing dog and Diarmuid thought I looked really good from behind," laughs Talya, who, like her hubby, glows with health and vitality.

"I was casually dating at home in Israel and wasn't into the long-distance thing, so Diarmuid wasn't an option for me. I didn't even know where Ireland was and as it was the day before my 39th birthday, I felt it was time to get my act together."

Diarmuid invited Talya out to dinner and although she thought it was a friendship, he had other ideas.

"I vigorously pursued her," he admits. "There was something there, so I knew I had to go after this girl and nothing else mattered. She was having none of me, though."

Talya's mum, Cynie, is Canadian, and her late Belgian father Jacques, who passed away when she was 18, was an agricultural engineer. She had a very happy childhood in a very left-wing, pro-Palestinian family and her home country was very different to the Israel of today.

"Growing up in Israel makes you strong," she says. "I'm a fighter and make things happen if I want them."

Talya went travelling to the Far East, where she sold pictures and jewellery on the streets of Japan and fell in love with India's spiritual aspect. When she came back she established a healthy cake business, and went to New York to study holistic nutrition.

Hold onto your honey – Venus is still retrograde in September

Is your relationship in harmony one minute, while in the next you feel like you’re in a soap opera with all the drama that comes with it? Watch out – Venus, the brightest planet in the sky, could be causing havoc with your love life while retrograde.

Venus, the love goddess, weaves her magic by bringing people together to spread joy and love into our lives, but when she is retrograde, she can cause all sorts of turmoil – particularly with relationships, and especially with intimate relationships. She also governs monetary matters, so depending on where she sits in your solar or natal chart a retrograde transit can spark financial tension.

Here’s a planetary account of what has come to pass and what to expect.

There are a few things to take into consideration with this Venus retrograde. Firstly, Venus rules two signs, Taurus and Libra. And as such, on the positive side the Venus energy is romantic, sensual, sharing and caring, but on the flip side, it can be stubborn, possessive, contrary and even bitchy. Venus, the ruler of relationships, began her retrograde journey in Virgo then reentered Leo, so there is the energy of two different signs to take into account as well as the interactions between Venus and other planets.

Venus began her retrograde transit on July 25th while situated in the level headed common sense sign of Virgo. And in this sign, as Virgo is the perfectionist, critical tension could have taken place between couples, particularly with old issues that have never been resolved. Now, Virgo will generally not walk away from a relationship when the going gets tough – they are in it for the long haul – but even they have their limits. If an issue keeps coming up over and over again, problems can arise during Venus retrograde. And it may not even be the issue in the end that is the actual problem, it can be that one partner feels the other does not love and respect them enough to abide by their simple requests and wishes. Then deep hurt and resentment, which has already started to take place in the relationship, accumulates and intensifies, and finally, enough is enough.

The Virgo vibration, which is ruled by Mercury, knows how to communicate and if one person is consistently not taking notice, then the small bump in the road can become a major crater, which can inevitably break down relations. So although a Venus retrograde won’t cause a break-up, the energy can trigger a situation that needs to be dealt with; it can end up being a make-it or break-it time.

On her backward journey, Venus reentered Leo on July 31st and does not come out of retrograde until September 6th. She will then travel forward in Leo and reenter Virgo on October 8th. This is an extended stay while in Leo, where demonstrative displays of affection, socializing, and declaring love to each other can take place. However, when Venus is retrograde, if things are not going well, bitching, possessiveness and fighting can also be displayed – in some cases, very publicly. Leo is a fixed fire sign, so when things go wrong there can be plenty of heat in the works, and an indignant attitude that is more concerned about pride and self than coming from a place of deep love and caring.

Venus goes direct on September 6th, but the planet does not return back to the degree it was in when it first went retrograde until October 9th – hence it is still technically in the retrograde zone until this time, but to a lessor degree. The very next day, on October 10th, Venus will square with Saturn and cast doubt or questions as to where your relationship is going. During this time, you may be asking yourself, is there a commitment for the long term?

Let’s not forget Mars, the other half of the love duo – Venus being the romantic side and with Mars providing the passion. On September first, when Mars and Venus connect, this is a dynamic love connection when electricity can spark between two people – a love at first sight type of connection. There is a lot of passion and desire that comes with this planetary interaction and it can put you in an unrealistic cloud nine, infatuated state. But with Venus retrograde, it does pull the energy back and keep it real, so in this sense the Venus-Mars connection is still very strong and can keep you more grounded. The perfect balance of idealism and reality.

While Venus is in Leo, the energy can heighten the love vibration in your life, but it can also increase the irritation of a partner, especially when retrograde. Let’s face it: we all have our share of irresistible and irritating traits. Past lovers can suddenly reappear now too, or you can resurrect a relationship that hasn’t been going anywhere, and it can suddenly get a new lease on life. Or, it may be that you finally let go of a relationship that just doesn’t seem to be working out. The issues may be too great to overcome and it’s time to call it quits; in this sense, it can free you from ties and binds that no longer serve you in a positive or loving way and allow you to open up to a more suitable partner.

Venus and expansive Jupiter connected earlier in the month on August 4th, in what is known to be one of the luckiest and most beneficial planetary aspects during the year and both in the sign of generous and giving Leo. This is usually a time of love and celebration, but with Venus retrograde and the day before, on the third, Jupiter squared off with cautious Saturn, high hopes could have been squashed with a dampening of enthusiasm. So although this is still a very promising time, it does come with a certain amount of uncertainty. It could cause a pull back of emotions, which can be very confusing for couples and singles dating.

Venus also governs monetary situations, and while retrograde, finances can play a significant part in relationships. It is possible that someone from the past can step forward with an opportunity. It is also possible for old debts to be repaid – or on the other hand, if you owe money, you could receive notice to pay up. Projects that are potential money winners can resurrect. And as Venus sat next to Jupiter, the planet of abundance and expansion, until August 11th – a potent combination of energy – anything is possible. These two planets will have another beneficial interaction during the last two weeks of October. The best way to work with the Jupiter energy is to have an optimistic attitude and to affirm the positive, not the negative.

On August 19th, Venus had a fire trine with Uranus, which is unpredictable energy, and sudden developments can take place. However, it is a favorable aspect so if the ground is rocky, it can start to rebuild, especially as the Sun and Jupiter connect on August 26th, which provides the energy to be open hearted and keep it real. There is a real intent of looking to the future for a solid relationship now. So if the waters have been choppy, all is not lost – it can smooth over again with the hope that you have cleared some blockages and past issues that can hold you back. This is a time to open your hearts to love more wholly and spiritually. But if not, then the full Moon in Pisces on August 29th will provide a boost of energy to cut the ties and do some solid and effective emotional clearing and healing.

If relationships are on rocky ground, it may be a difficult to hold it all together during Venus retrograde. You will be tested, along with your depth of commitment and whether you have dealt with the love lessons you have been confronted with. But there is also a lot of magic in the love chart with this Venus retrograde, and the support and challenges one faces in relationships; if you area not tempted to jump the love-boat, it can serve to strengthen your relationship. And let’s not forget that the possibility of resurrecting something from the past is very real now, too. Or, on the other hand, it can give you a chance to cut ties and finally close the door on a dysfunctional relationship so you can move on, which is also very positive.

If couples can keep it real during this Venus retrograde and speak from the heart rather than allow ego and false pride to get in the way, then they have a chance now to overcome blockages that can hold back intimacy and build a stronger connection. But as we know, it takes two to tango. And if couples build a spiritual partnership, an interest in growing on all levels and evolving together, this can be a positive time – but of course, as life goes... not without its challenges.