Vegan dating: The struggle to find love when you've ditched steak and cheese

The thought of totally ridding our diets of animal products, from creamy Brie to steak and milk chocolate, is enough to make some of us want to lie down in a dark room. But for committed vegans, the choice to ditch anything that cause harm to animals, the environment and your health is an easy one to make.

Still, that doesn’t make living in a meat-and-dairy-obsessed world any easier. And a vegan’s lifestyle choices trickle down to what they wear to who they love. It’s those people that vegan dating sites are here to help.

In the decade following 2006, veganism has gradually become a more mainstream lifestyle choice, prompting a 360 per cent rise in those giving it a go in the UK. But while the number of people dabbling in a plant-based existence has crawled upwards, the figures of those sticking to it aren’t quite so positive. Separate research in the US, where levels of veganism have also shot up, show that  84 per cent of people can’t commit to a life where they can’t indulge in a beef burger once in a while.

Adam Connett has been vegan for almost a decade. The 27-year-old, who works as a video manager for a digital advertising agency in London, says a partner being vegan is "important but not vital.

“I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker for me. But as it has somewhat of an impact on day to day choices it does make things easier if we're aligned from an ethical and dietary standpoint.”

Asked if he has ever sought out people who are vegan or vegetarian when dating, he adds: “Not directly but I'd say it probably does sway my opinion. It's another box ticked for me in terms of potential compatibility. If someone states they're vegan it's something you have in common and can talk about. Especially places to go to eat.”

As he had a long-term relationship with someone who ate meat, his veganism hasn’t caused problems in dating but he says it could “ limit potential date or restaurant choices. But if it was an issue for them we probably wouldn't even get to the stage of arranging a date.”

But the picture seems more complex for those who use vegan dating websites. “Many vegans consider ‘being vegan’ more than just eating a plant-based diet. A 'true' vegan has made the lifestyle choice to not use, consume or purchase any animal products, which makes it even more important to date someone with the same values and priorities,” says Jill Crosby Owner and CEO of the Green Singles vegan dating site.

“Being a vegan is more than just a way of eating, non-vegans can find it difficult to understand and oftentimes don’t want to make the compromises and or changes that their vegan partner has already made,” says Corby, who used to be vegan but is no longer.

“Vegans tend to be environmentally conscious, in general, and many have organic gardens and practice permaculture, recycle and reuse over contributing to the landfills, buy eco-conscious cleaning products, clothing, use solar and wind energy, drive electric or hybrid cars and or ride bicycles and use public transportation. The list goes on and on.

“It can be a stress point in the relationship and cause tension. Of course, if someone has a plant-based diet or is vegetarian, that can be a more conducive match then say an omnivore.”

But is veganism really the basis for a stable, long-lasting relationship? After all, being a vegan, unfortunately, doesn’t make a person infallible. And as Michael Carter, the president of the Passions Network dating empire which runs the Vegan Passions website points out that there is even wide variation in veganism itself. "There are members who were are vegetarian and who are trying to move to a completely Vegan diet. We have raw foodists, and fruitarians.

"As to the question of whether or not one might draw some conclusions about someone simply because they follow a ‘vegan diet’, the answer is definitely yes and no. As a group, vegans do tend to show more interest in activism and being eco-friendly, but on an individual basis, it is all over the map."

Still, data from the website shows that vegans tend to gravitate towards each other more than non-vegans and focus on being "eco-friendly" and actively seeking out other non-meaters, he adds.

Unsurprisingly, Crosby sees vegan dating websites as at least worth a shot for those looking for a compatible partner. One of her site’s most memorable successes are John and Lori..

“They both had separately written lists of the qualities and characteristics their ideal partner would possess. When they read each other’s profile, they recognised that each matched the other’s list. He was widowed with two children, she had never been married and happily joined his family when they married after dating for three years.” They later created a company which creates satirical videos about the environment.

“We’ve had couples write books, open retreat centres, teach workshops and do many amazing things as a result of finding each other."

What it's really like to be a female virgin in your thirties

As a nation of self-confessed bed-hoppers, we’re sleeping with more people than ever. But, while many of us are happy to divulge the number of sexual partners we’ve had, when it comes to confessing when we lost our virginity, nothing is more lied about.

On average, guys lose theirs at 16.9 while girls are slightly older at 17.4, but either way, people are starting to experiment with sex at a younger age.

In the 1950s, the average age was 21 but by 1980 it had already decreased to 17.

Alas, not everyone is ready to get in the sack as a teen. For others, it’s a bit more complicated.

We’re all familiar with the case of the 40-year-old virgin – from Channel 4 documentaries to Steve Carell’s performance in the eponymous 2005 movie – but, what’s it like for women who haven’t had sex until half way through their lives?

Writing for Thrillist, Rebecca Golden revealed that she didn’t lose her virginity until she was 35.

Having struggled with her body image, aged 33 and weighing in at 600lbs, Rebecca had gastric bypass surgery and at 34, a large amount of leftover skin removed.

It wasn’t until she hit 35 that, with her newfound confidence, she decided to enter the dating world.

Like many of us, Rebecca struggled at first to meet men that would become more than friends.

“I have a way of collecting straight guys who won't sleep with me,” she admitted.

But, not long after she met Stephen, the man she eventually lost her virginity too.

She didn’t tell him she was a virgin though explaining that at 35, there was just no template for talking about it.

But is there ever? It seems that losing your virginity in your thirties is just as rife with confusion as it is in your teens. Have they had sex before? Will it hurt?

These are all questions that anyone about to have sex for the first time will ask themselves, irrelevant of age.

After a brief fling and a consequential relationship of two years, Rebecca had learnt a lot – she had to have her hymen surgically removed, suffered the oddities of dating apps like Plenty of Fish and explored the boundaries of BDSM.

But, she admits that it wasn’t until she was 38 that she really experienced enjoyable, fun sex.

“Actually, I feel lucky there. Many women tell me that it took far longer for them, even though most of my friends started having sex at a “normal” age,” she said.

Waiting to lose her virginity wasn't without its difficulties but, it meant that Rebecca had time to understand what it was she wanted from a partner; she now knows that she likes nerdy, introverted guys who inspire her.

But, while she may have been having sex for nine years, she insists that it's not the be-all and end-all. After all, she's known her own mind forever.

“I date, but not as a way to create identity,” Rebecca insists.

“I almost never think about my first time anymore. But I do think about a future with love, where there's intimacy and sex and a shared life.”

Women with an active love life score better in memory tests

Never mind sudoku, crossword puzzles or so-called brain training games.

The key to a healthy memory is regular sex – at least if you’re a woman.

A study has found that women who enjoy an active love life scored better in tests measuring their working memory.
Experts think it may partly be due to the effect sex has on the brain.

And if the results are surprising, what’s even more of a shock is that only one of the three scientists who came up with them is a man.

For the research, the team of experts at McGill University in Montreal, Canada, recruited 78 young women aged 18 to 29.

They were quizzed on their sex lives before undergoing a series of memory tests.

The tests involved looking at a group of 60 words and faces before later being asked to pick them out from a larger group of 90 words and faces. The idea was to measure their short-term recall, a measure of memory function.

The results, published in Archives of Sexual Behaviour, revealed the women who enjoyed the most frequent sex registered the highest scores on the memory tests.

But the effect was much more noticeable when it came to remembering words rather than faces, researchers said.
This was probably because word recall is largely handled by the hippocampus, while other brain regions control facial memory.

Scientists said this lends support to the theory that regular sex bolsters neurons in the hippocampal region. In a report on their findings researchers said: ‘Neurogenesis in the hippocampus is higher in those women with a higher frequency of intercourse.

‘These results suggest sex may indeed have beneficial effects on memory function in healthy young women.

‘They support the hypothesis that frequency of sex is positively associated with memory scores.’

Although the study only recruited women, previous research has hinted men’s brains benefit as much if not more from plentiful sex.

Animal studies have previously suggested frequent sex stimulates a process called neurogenesis, the growth of new cells and tissue in the hippocampus – the part of the brain heavily involved in controlling memory.

And a healthy love life also boosts levels of feel-good chemicals in the brain, called neurotransmitters.

Earlier this year, experts at Coventry University found men and women in their fifties, sixties and seventies who had an active love life had a lower risk of dementia.

The study of nearly 7,000 older people showed women who had regular sex scored up to 14 per cent higher marks in word challenges, while the most sexually-active men scored 23 per cent more than their rivals.

With Britain’s population ageing, scientists are desperately trying to find ways to preserve brain function in old age.

Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia recently emerged as the UK’s biggest killer, pushing heart disease into second place.

The ‘epidemic’ has triggered a boom in sales of trendy brain training computer games to those terrified of future illness.

But a recent major review of 130 studies found little good evidence that exercises for the brain had long-term benefits.

How alphabet dating is reviving relationships bogged down in constant Netflix and Chilling

For long-term couples date nights are often a rare and sporadic occasion but thanks to Alphabet Dating the emphasis on off-kilter courting is back.

While reaching that point in your relationship where you don’t have to worry about lounging in your PJs all day or covering up a monstrous spot is no doubt special, the idea of going that extra mile can get lost.

That’s where Alphabet Dating comes in.

The concept, which has seen a spike in Google searches over the last week, is simple: You and your other half take it in turns to plan regular dates taking inspiration from the alphabet to plan you activity.

If you want to make it extra fun, try keeping the idea a secret from each other.

Keen to give it a go? Whether you’re looking to do it on a budget or go all out, here’s our guide to the dates that might just getyou out of that relationship rut:

A: Step back in time and visit your local arcade or book into an airbnb, home or away.

B: Organise a trip on a boat or head out for a boozy bar crawl.

C: Go camping for the weekend or do a bit of smooching in the back row of the cinema.

D: Dinner’s too easy so why not make it a double date instead or if you’re feeling flush plan a trip to Disneyland.

E: Go exploring and head out for a walk together or eat out at your favourite restaurant.

F: If your love is into football then take them to a match or stay indoors and build a fort.

G: Feeling sporty? Why not go for a spot of golf or really get your hearts racing by going go-karting.

H: Drink your way through happy hour or crack out the mountain boots for a spot of hiking.

I: Visit your local ice skating rink or use it as a good excuse to eat some ice cream.

J: Indulge with a night in the jacuzzi or visit a jazz club.

K: Serenade your love at karaoke or spend the day in the park flying kites.

L: Running out of ideas? Lunch is an easy option but why not take up something new, French lessons perhaps?

M: Get your friends round for a game of Monopoly or take a cultural day out at a museum.

N: Head out for a night on the town or if that’s not your thing, take a trip to a local nature reserve.

O: Get fancy with a visit to the opera or spend the day by the ocean.

P: A pub lunch is the perfect Sunday date or you could take a picnic to the park.

Q: Try heading to a quiz night or if you’re a foodie make some quesadillas.

R: Are you both shopaholics? A little bit of retail therapy could do the trick. If not, venture out and take a road trip.

S: Take a dip and go swimming together or spend the night stargazing.

T: Embrace your inner child at a theme park or if it’s culture you’re after head to the theatre.

U: In need of a holiday? Why not plan a UK getaway. Alternatively, challenge each other by trying some unusual foods.

V: Get freaky and watch some vampire movies or volunteer together at a local charity.

W: Celebrate with a spot of wine tasting or for the more adventurous go wall climbing.

X: Get up to something X-rated or have a lazy day playing the Xbox.

Y: Tune in to each other at a yoga class or say yes to something you usually wouldn’t.

Z: Finish of your alphabet dating experiment with a trip to the zoo or cosy up together and catch some well-deserved Zzzs.

Just my type: how fashion became all about the font

Whatever insiders are allowed to geek out about at any given moment tells you a lot about where fashion is at. Five years ago, when minimalism ruled, it was highly prized to have a shepherd’s knowledge on the finer points of cashmere and wool – distinguishing your Hircus goats from your Andean vicuñas, for example. These days, in the world of slogan T-shirts and social-media-friendly statement dressing, it’s all about the font. Knowing your Helvetica from your Arial isn’t restricted to those familiar with InDesign: it’s now the kind of thing that gets you a seat at the top table of the Met Ball.

As with any obsession that encourages rummaging into minutiae, fashion’s current font preoccupation has schisms probably being debated heatedly on page 23 of a thread on The Fashion Spot. Broadly speaking, to put it in font language, it’s all about serif and sans-serif. For everyone else, it’s the fonts with the curly edges on the ends of letters vs the ones without.

On one side, we have the anti-serif original streetwear purists – with Supreme as the shining example, using what looks like the clean, precise Futura Bold Italic originally inspired by artist Barbara Kruger, and recently immortalised in a brick. Other brands including House of Holland (Franklin Gothic Extra Condensed, apparently) and Moschino (Bebas Neue?) sit alongside them, along with countless slogan T-shirts proclaiming profundities like #thinkmoredoless on the high street.

Vetements produced the DHL T-shirt that caused the internet to erupt earlier this year. With its clean and punchy font (similar to Gran Turismo Italic), it’s more in line with the Supreme gang, but the brand actually typically represents the other font team in fashion right now: blackletter – the gothic font originally used for German script – is back. Hoodies, with purple blackletter slogans and pentagrams are now highly prized beyond their familiar territory of London’s Camden market.

Blackletter has now made its way to pop merch, Kanye West’s Life of Pablo and Justin Bieber’s Purpose included. The result? Dropping a reference to it around any fashion-inclined dinner table will gain extra points rather than a change of subject. Anything heavy metal-influenced – the flaming letters of the Thrasher logo, the diagonally inclined Iron Maiden font (actually called that, apparently), both favourites on the front row – can also be filed here.

Perhaps these OTT, can’t-miss-them fonts moving to the foreground of fashion is down to the fact we now have so much screen time. Arial (Google), Helvetica Neue (Twitter) and either Helvetica or Arial (Facebook) have become the digital default via their use in logos, as familiar as the marimba ringtone for your iPhone or that greige backdrop to your Whatsapp messages. Anything different – including this, Guardian Egyptian – has a bang of impact. Blackletter has drama, it’s a bit fussy, something that contrasts nicely with the square simplicity of streetwear shapes. Or, maybe, it’s just a welcome relief from that most maligned font, Comic Sans.

When Is The Right Time For A Widower’s Libido To Wake Up

Karen’s unexpected and unwelcome kiss on the beach was no love bite, yet her lips left a mark as deep as if she’d been written into my sad story by Bram Stoker. Fittingly, his inspiration for Dracula came only a few miles up the coast while he was visiting Whitby. Karen’s sincere seaside snog was too soon after Helen’s death by any judgment. She was upset, “Sorry, but it seemed the perfect moment.”

I assured her that she’d done nothing wrong in assuming I was single through divorce not death – people do.

Afterwards, we’d chatted until 2am, animated like survivors of an unexpected crisis. It was innocent, with much laughing, many nightcaps, no kissing.

Karen confessed that for the first time since her divorce, she’d thought of taking a bed (not beach!) buddy. She was “out of practice and clumsy” but had gone for it because it felt like time out and she liked me.

I saw that my rejection of her puckered-up pass was so unconsidered it was nothing to do with my recent bereavement and everything to do with more than 20 years of fidelity. I’d acted as a married man.

Yet I’m no longer married. So when the shock subsided, I sat opposite Karen thinking how fantastic it would be to share a bed with this kind, sexy woman. I’d escape the widower script, maybe for one night only, hidden away from the rest of my life with its bedtime loneliness and never-ending bleeding logistics. These thoughts were academic as when Karen discovered I was a recent widower, her gaze became concerned, not carnal. Has a bloke ever plunged into the friend zone faster, I wonder?

But how soon is it “normal” for a bereaved person’s libido to wake up? Bluntly, how is it possible that a few months after his beloved wife’s death a husband would have no guilt about wanting to shag someone?

I don’t know a widower or widow to compare timelines with and premature fornication is not the sort of topic you can dance into easily, even online.

Bereaved sexual re-awakening seems almost taboo, with at least one brilliant exception. A supportive colleague passed me Lucie Brownlee’s Life After You, “Not because it’s about bereavement. I thought how many touch points you have with her – the north-east, Yorkshire and a frank view of the world,” she’d lied. Her intention was clear; she hoped Brownlee’s experience would teach me something.

I recommend this raw and brilliantly uninhibited story, including how she took comfort in a fuck-buddy friendship with her plumber. That the reader ends up liking her more for it is a tonic to my spinning head. I’m guessing that as friends and family haven’t disowned Brownlee, there’s hope for me. Critically, her Carry On Plumber dalliance took place in the first year after her husband’s death.

I worry, though, that while I’m technically single, to many of the people in my life and Millie’s and Matt’s lives, I’m still married to Helen. So I’ll tread carefully for their sakes. For my own, I find my lack of guilt at what Karen and I could have got up to upsetting and surprising, but not inexplicable.

I loved Helen so much and would gladly have swapped places with her. There were no issues or unfinished business between us and while I scream out for more years together, we had something so special in the best of times and an even more profound love in cancer’s worst of them.

This helped me to embrace what may be the hardest lesson in bereavement – that you cannot love someone who is gone exactly as you did when they were alive. The contrast between the two states is too stark. I’ve understood this crappy truth quicker then many, perhaps primed by my dad’s death when I was four. So, no sex but also no guilt that there might have been … or could be soon. Bravado, perhaps, but I’m made bold and more open by Brownlee’s honesty about her libido. You take help where you can through the layered complexities of this bastard bereavement.

A relationship expert reveals 4 signs that you're a perfect match

You can spot them easily in the movies — the couple that's so clearly meant for each other. But in real life, it can be harder to detect a perfect match.

That's especially true when that “match” involves ourselves. Sometimes we're so wrapped up in our relationships that we don't even ask ourselves if we're actually a good fit.

Relationship expert Talia Goldstein, CEO of white glove matchmaking service Three Day Rule, told INSIDER that there are four major signs that a couple is a good match.

If a relationship demonstrates each of these attributes, Goldstein explained, that's how you know it's built to last.

1. You travel the same way.

One of the easiest ways to tell if you're a good match with your partner is to plan a trip together.

“A good match is people who are willing and wanting to travel the same way,” Goldstein said.

If one of you wants to hop in a RV and road trip to Mexico, while the other wants to fly first class and stay at a give star resort, that’s a sign that you aren’t a good fit.

“It’s indicative of your lifestyle,” Goldstein said. “It could lead to problems down the road.”

For example, these lifestyle difference could come into play when it’s time to buy a house or pick an education path for your children, the expert explained.

“If you have a really narrow mind about the way that you travel, you probably have that same mindset in other aspects of your life,” she added.

2. You have common interests that you love doing together.

It may seem intuitive, but a great way to tell if you are a good match with a person is to determine whether you have common interests.

That doesn't mean that you just like the same sort of art or listen to the same sort of music. Instead, good matches not only enjoy similar things — they like doing those things together.

“There should be at least two or three things you really like to do together,” Goldstein said. “It should be about spending time together.”

And so, if you’re a couple who, for instance, enjoys going on long walks together, playing board games together or watching the same sport games together, you’re likely a good match.

3. Your relationship has the right balance.

Most of the successful pairings Goldstein has witnessed involves people that strike a perfect balance, where one of them is “the star” while the other is more of “the rock.”

“I found that the majority of my success stories fall into those categories, where sometimes one of them is outgoing and the life of the party, where the other is more stable and supportive,” Goldstein said.

People with different energies tend to compliment each other, whereas those who are both super outgoing or both extremely introverted don’t always go the distance.

“If you have the yin and the yang, they balance each other out,” the expert explained. “I’ve found that balance works really well in a relationship.”

4. You're with someone who makes you feel good about yourself.

It seems like common sense — you should be with someone who makes you feel like you're at your best. But of course, a lot of people end up in relationships where they don't really feel like themselves.

"Relationships where you truly feel like you’re the best version of yourself — that’s the best way to see if you’re a good match,” Goldstein said.

Being in a relationship where you feel like yourself means that you don't have to stretch to come up with topics to talk about.

It's also when you feel at home with their group of friends, or feel comfortable lounging around in your pajamas with the other person.